Alone On Thanksgiving

The other night, as I was wrestling with the idea of writing a blog again, I found myself viewing the Instagram live of a local Chicago celebrity having Thanksgiving dinner with her family. There’s laugther, jokes and a variety of drinks and food being prepared that fall in line with what a typical Thanksgiving is supposed to be. I thought about the fact, as I watched this unfold, that I am spending Thanksgiving alone for the third year.

My mother passed away in 2017 from complications relating to triple-bypass surgery and my father passed away in 2016 from stage four colon cancer. Both of them passed away in their respective years before the holiday season even began and both times I moved forward without really giving it much thought. In small little pockets, the emotional overload of what took place over the past couple of years has started to come out. To say that I know what to do with these emotions and how to move my life forward would be a lie.

Being alone, being completely alone, has left me rather directionless. Granted, I’ve managed to do the basics – get up every morning, get dressed and go to work. Beyond that, I cannot say that I have much of a life beyond that.

Admittedly, I have created content on Instagram and YouTube that was meant to give me something to think about besides the passing of my parents. A typical example is The Milam Report, a short one-minute video series were I briefly cover the news of the day (mostly celebrity news) and give my opinion. The show is rather Mcdonalds-like given that pretty much anyone can read a few articles, skim over the details and give a smartass response.

When it comes to tracking my own personal growth, as well as mourning the passing of my parents, the immediate reaction I have to such an idea is who in the hell wants to read that s***? With our current administration making clowns of the United States, I hardly think the passing of someone’s parents and being alone will gauge the public interest. I’m attempting to try this whole week to continously write blog posts and get how I feel out of the way so I can get to the real work at hand.

That work, being consistent with what I want to accomplish. This time alone will allow me the chance to breathe creatively without worrying about work or what I should do after work with the few hours of freedom that I have.

Let’s hope I use it consistently.