In the wake of my mother and father’s passing in 2016 and 2017, I decided the only way I felt I could connect with the outside world was to be in the service of others and care not for my own well being. I had already done that with my family and figured doing it for complete strangers would be no different. The problem is that not only is it different, it lacks the familiarity of family ties and you have no history with a stranger except for that first encounter.

In 2018, I encountered someone who was in need of that help. As time went on and I came out of the depressive funk I was in, I found out this person had no interest in actually getting better and was more interested in living financially through other people. My mother helped her family financially and that ultimately put a tax on her life. I discovered being generous to others in that regard is entirely optional, even when it’s family, and not a requirement. God certainly won’t look down on me for being reserved about giving out any money I acquire.

Today however is different; I gave money to someone who needed money for their insulin shots. My way of validating her need is real was the fact she talks about it on her social media alot and she participates in various groups with others who have the same disease. I feel like if you are going through an issue and actively helping others going through the same issue, then you are going to put whatever funds you get to your survival. This is especially true if what you are going through is life threatening.

I guess you could say I am feeling less guilty and perhaps more careful with whom I give money out too.