MilamCast: The Rise Of Violent Reality TV

I decided to open my big mouth again.

Introducing MilamCast.

And yes, I am a hypocrit

For this first episode I discuss the Kenya Moore/Porsha Williams fight that took place on The Real Housewives Of Atlanta Reunion Special which covered Season 6. I despise Reality TV, but I also despise being bored.

What To Do With The New Friday The 13th Reboot

 

 

 

 

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If you haven’t been keeping up with all the remake news of late, TheWrap has recently revealed they might have a new director for a new “reboot” of the franchise. The following is my response to what to me seems like a grossly unnecessary attempt to fix a mistake that never actually should have been greenlit.

When you think of classic movies within the genre of horror, a few names should come to mind:

The Exorcist
Halloween
The Omen
Carrie

Halloween, released in 1978 and directed by John Carpenter had a considerable amount of influence within the genre. Unlike the other three, the supernatural terror was replaced with a guy wearing a mask who just had some really serious mental issues. When you consider the mask he choose, which was apparently based off a bust of William Shatner, you can perfectly understand why he would be a tad crazy.

William Shatner indirectly helped created Michael Myers

William Shatner indirectly helped created Michael Myers. Photo taken from the FilmDetail website.

After the success of Halloween, Friday The 13th would follow just two years later. As with the former, the latter dealt with a masked killer. Instead of a quaint suburb, Friday The 13th dealt with a rancid-looking camp site where the masked killer died as a child in a drowning accident.

Michael Bay’s acquirement of the Friday The 13th franchise via his Platinum Dunes studio seemed like an easy win: annoying teenagers getting killed, Jason killing teenagers in very elaborate ways and plenty of opportunities for teenagers to watch teenagers (rather badly) make out.

Michael Bay, thou successful with other franchises, just couldn’t hit the mark in bringing Jason back to the sliver screen.

Jason-Vorhees

One of the coolest things about Michael Myers was that no matter how much he killed, his clothes always remained clean. Jason Voorhees continued that tradition. With the 2009 reboot, much like the Rob Zombie 2007 reboot of Halloween, Michael Bay decided this wouldn’t be realistic. In a way he is probably right, evil people aren’t supposed to care about taking their clothes (if they wear them) to the cleaners.

However…

vlcsnap-2014-04-16-13h53m54s170He’s just too damn dirty looking in this remake. It’s almost as if they couldn’t figure out how to make him scary by his actions and decided that teenagers would be scared if he somehow resembled a wino. This is not upping the ante at all.

And about Mrs. Voorhees…

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The catalyst for the killing spree that Jason Voorhees’ mother got killed in the first movie after she went on a killing spree over her son’s “death”. Since nobody making the film thought it would be a mega-success, there was never really a need to do any kind of set-up for the sequel (although the ending of the original would lead you to believe such things). When the sequel was released, nothing was ever established about how exactly Jason came back from the dead. He just did.

(People who are serious fans of the franchise can leave a comment explaining this.)

Since a second attempt is in the cards to remake this franchise, the writers who get this job should work harder on fleshing out the origin story. One way to do it would to be show that Mrs. Voorhees was into black magic to explain how he managed to come back. Perhaps as a result of learning this black magic she can control Jason to do her bidding. Since he is no longer the child she once knew, Jason could possibly turn on her if he pleased if he felt someone didn’t deserve it.

Also…

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vlcsnap-2014-04-16-14h11m46s180Can we get some color in this remake?

Nothing upsets me more than the need to make everything resemble the inside of a closet. How can people figure out what’s going on when you can’t see anything? Give me light, give me color and make me wonder how much ketchup in place of real blood. You can pull that non-descriptive nonsense with Transformers. This is Jason Voorhees. Seeing a guy that menacing gives a film like that a certain power.

Michael Bay has no reason to listen to me. Seeing as how he didn’t immediately push for a sequel to this remake, or the Nightmare On Elm Street remake, he might have a reason to listen this time. That is until all the Transformers fans make Mark Whalberg popular again.

 

 

Mimi And Nikko’s Sex Tape May (Sadly) Sell Like Hotcakes

Mimi Faust and her boyfriend (or ex) could possibly but Ray J and Kim to shame.

Mimi Faust and her boyfriend (or ex) could possibly but Ray J and Kim to shame.

I don’t really have the time for television in general. The bits and bobs that I do catch are a result of reading random blogs whenever something from any of these shows pop up. Bottom line: I get bored of myself and my interests.

There is no logical reason to make a sex tape. Even if the means of doing so are for some sort of greatest hits collection of one’s sex life, it can be an incredibly dull piece of cinema to observe. With the trailer (which I won’t link to for some very obvious reasons) for this particular foray into the genre, I believe this one will make Kim and Ray J’s attempt look like a public access show.

The little that I remember about the former tape and the little that I’ve seen from the trailer of the latter, Kim and Ray J simply had no passion or chemistry of any kind. Considering this is supposed to be about sex, you’d think those two things matter. Clearly some celebrities looking for any kind of fame don’t care if they come across as dull in the sack.

Mimi and Nikko have that passion and chemistry required for a sex tape. Whether this is done for a means of self-promotion shouldn’t be up for debate: this clearly is meant for both parties to get massive amounts of attention they wouldn’t get from their current employment on Love and Hip-Hop: Atlanta.  The problem? The quality of their lovemaking actually justifies even bootlegging a copy of this.

And so with that I give kudos to Mimi Faust for her willingness to at least put on a good show in a genre that generally comes off as dull as dishwater.

Every Film These Days Could Use Some Kevin Bacon

“Footloose” is hardly on my mind these days. I’m not thinking about kicking off any Sunday shoes or pondering the logic of a small town banning dancing of any kind. When The Kevin Bacon decided to make a guest appearance on The Tonight Show in celebration of the film’s anniversary, he decided to revisit the role and duplicate some of the signature dance moves.

It was funny.

It was sad.

It was ironic.

A few years earlier Hollywood decided it didn’t need a leading man with any sort of charisma and went about remaking Footloose. Usually when a remake is unleashed into the world, the general notion is that it would taint whatever made the original popular. The Bacon proved otherwise.

It doesn’t matter if you film a story and give it a title similar to an original classic: you need The Bacon. Whether it’s a dance movie, a drama or a comedy, there has to be a soul there. There was nothing deeply complex about Footloose from a story point of view. Mostly it was about a world, pretty much like now, that is stuck on being proper as opposed to being human.

Hollywood has gotten weary and afraid. They don’t seem to think today’s audience will watch something new even thou most “new” ideas are something really, really old. Forget about originally, just put some bacon on the writing and the audiences will come.