The man on the left is Boris Kodjoe, an actor best known for his role in the television adaptation of the film Soul Food. The man on the right is William Conrad, an actor known for playing the original Matt Dillon in the radio version of Gunsmoke and for such television roles as Cannon and Jake and The Fatman. I use these two people for this piece because women all seem to be looking for a good man, but really they are looking for a good looking man; or are they?
Craigslist, which is never a good idea to search for someone, is filled with ads that use vague “pay attention to me” methods such as the dismissal of good looks as being a requirement and the need to have a picture sent before any correspondence can take place. I don’t really object to all of this because this is how people date. We are visual creatures and we are excited when, in the game of dating, we can not only find a good soul to live our lives with but someone who is pleasing to the eye. Dismissing the need to nitpick someone’s looks is unrealistic – you know someone is considering your sex appeal the second they see your picture.
I believe women want a good man, but they are not willing to put up with the possibility that the man they find that is good may not be good looking. I think what gets many women in trouble, and men as well, is the fact that the looks become the first thing that we consider before the character. Really beyond looks, we always in dating search another for something to get around the really hard part; knowing the soul of the person we wish to be with.
I suppose, as George Clooney said in Up In The Air, it is much easier to stick to the surface (actually he said “Stereotyping Is Easier” which is about the same thing). Figuring out someone, especially in during the course of a date, is like trying to find a needle in a very thick haystack; you may find the needle, but you would have wasted too much time and miss out on a number of good other candidates. Still, can the endless amount of divorces, break-ups and domestic violence cases be because we don’t know who we are dating? or that we don’t know enough?
One thing is for certain; I don’t know the answer. I’m not sure anyone does.


